Lately, I have been craving encouragement and fellowship with other women that can relate to where I am presently in my life. Maybe that's why I have looked so forward to bible study. I have been pondering a lot about women and the lack of encouragement we get from each other. Do we truly want what is best for each other and lift each other up in prayer as often as we say we do?
One particular issue that has griped me for sometime now is the issue of TIME.
There seems to be an invisible standard that others put on a stay at home Mom. I know people looking in think you should spend all of your time cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, helping kids with homework, bathing, reading bedtime stories, etc. - all to start again the next day. All of that is TRUE, but I'm amazed at how much other women will criticize you if you just happen to let it slip you read a book or take a bubble bath.
Can anyone relate to what I'm saying?
On more than one occasion, I have said, "Oh, I just read this amazing book!" only to be interrupted by, "What? You have time to read? I could never read because I spend so much time with my children".
Or, if I talk about baking cupcakes with my girls, I get the response, "You have time to bake cupcakes? Must be nice. I have to work".
Am I just insecure? Or, would both responses leave you feeling like a) you don't spend time with your children; or b) another lunatic that feels staying home with children isn't work.
I've always said this: You make time to do what you want to do.
I recently sat down with someone (note: another stay at home Mom) that told me she felt it a shame to see women out having breakfast and lunch while their children were at MMO.
I nearly cracked up! I tell you what I would say to those Moms at breakfast .... "Way to go! Good for you! You probably need a re-charge!!"
She would NOT want to know what I do while O is at MMO. I believe if I told her, she would have slapped me with a 1950s issue of Good Housekeeping and told me to wake up.
The truth is, just about every Monday and Wednesday, I drop O off at MMO, head straight to Chik-fil-A for a chicken biscuit and a large sweet tea (amen?) and then make my way either to the library or B*rnes and Noble to read.
GASP!!
That's right! Even with laundry and housework to be done.
I know, the horror!
What's even worse - Eric encourages this kind of outrageous behavior!!
WHAT???
Some of you reading just completely judged me for that admission. Am I right?
Even after such negligent behavior, I am still falling into bed every night - emotionally and physically worn out.
I'm just discouraged that there are still women out there that don't see Motherhood as the toughest job around and maybe, just maybe a woman deserves a bubble bath once in awhile.
Listen, I have never felt like I needed to defend myself and my decision for staying home. But, lately I have felt attacked by the very peer group I am in. After such pivotal conversations, the person will leave me with, "Great seeing you, Deidre. I'm praying for you."
Ummm ... thank you, I think.
Okay, I'm off to read a book WHILE taking a bath! So there!
End of rant. More sweet stuff tomorrow.
18 comments:
Girl - I'm with you. I just retired as a stay at home mom and switched places with my husband. I've got it easy! Enjoy your breakfasts at Chick-fil-A. There's no judgement here! More power to you!!!
I have always said the most criticism I get is from other moms who stay home with their children. It could be because of a women's natural jealousies. I'm not sure. It is unnecessary, but unfortunately true.
You should never feel bad for the time you take to read and re-charge. If I know you, you are spending that time reading your bible, right? Right. Any God-fearing woman knows that children reap the benefits of a mother in the word, am I right?
Vent anytime, Deidre.
I believe the comment by anonymous nails it. I think most of it boils down to jealousy, and sometimes insecurity. It is sad. And like you, I am left sometimes wondering if other women truly want what is best for me, or I wonder if they aren't secretly a little happy when things in my world are falling apart.
The most criticism I feel comes from other moms whom stay home. Kinda stinks!
Oh and btw-I had a day today that I did absolutely nothing, and I do mean nothing, (well, I did cook supper) except what I wanted-which mostly included reading a book, and snuggling with my boys.:)
Hang in there!
Good for you! You got read your book an d take your bath.....we all want to do more of that, don't we?
And you can believe that I'm praying FOR you-- and not judging you. I wish I had a chick-fil-a and Barnes and Noble to go to.....and some alone time.
Us stay at home mom's need some alone time. And to have a husband who encourages your away time - is wonderful!
keep it up......=)
I've been a stay at home mom for a LOT of years....this year I have my youngest at home 4 out of the 5 days homeschooling....you can believe that I spend all week just dreamin' abt what I can do on that 5th day! I always find it annoying that other mom's think that I should have all this time to do the things that they don't have time for because they work outside the home. I tell them it's because I have so much time to sit around eating bonbons and watching soap operas! Honestly, they always seemed to be surprised at the busy schedule that I have...that annoys me!
i am so glad you touched on this topic, i feel the same way. i consider it mommy competition and it is one of the things i LOATHE it is lik we can not be happy for another we always have to do more, or be better at things. it is old and i see it all the time
we all need time to just calm down and relax.. love your blog btw =)
This same thing really bothers me as well. Whenever I sew, or read, or host lunches with friends, (or blog!) etc. I have a person in my life who always make little comments: You have too much time in your hands! I don't have the LUXURY of sitting down to do hobbies, etc.
A major part of the stay-at-home-mom job description is Time MAnagement. I realized early on that as a stay at home mom, if you don't decide what you want to do with your time, somebody else will. So I started out with a plan for the day, and tried to stay focused. If I got my work done early, then there was time for those things I enjoy!
What happened next is that I realized that sewing and baking and writing were things that helped me to be better at what I do for a living! It was time alone, that helped everything else, which was a hard lesson for this extrovert...who was sometimes afraid of not being "busy" enough.
What I have come to realize is that it isn't me that is insecure (in this area, I have plenty of insecurities in other areas!). People equate busyness with success. Its such a trap that robs us of peace.
So keep doing what your doing.Time is what every body wants. And the truth is that being a stay at home mom doesn't have many tangible benefits ($$$, promotions, paid vacation, etc) but it DOES come with the perk of TIME! And I am so thankful! May we use it wisely!
I have no children of my own & after just baby sitting, I truly look up to any mother - and especially a stay at home mother who dedicates ALL her time to her children... I think it HAS to be the hardest job!!!
I applaud you for taking the time to do those things! You need time for yourself & “down time” no matter how much our society screams otherwise. You are a better mother & wife for it. You are following Jesus. You are being a Mary in a Martha world. You are choosing IMPORTANT things, not just URGENT things. I’ve gotten criticism myself for reading so much with similar responses such as “Well, I (emphasis on “I” bold & italic) don’t have time to read because….” Can you say underlying JEALOUSY?!?! Probably has to do with insecurity as well. I think those critical discouraging comments serve only to make themselves feel better. Praise the Lord for bubble baths!!!
Deidre~
I SO love you honest cander!! SERIOUSLY!! You ALWAYS make me chuckle...although, I'm not making light of what you've shared; but rather, I appreciate your honestly.
The bottom line is this:
when woman make comments like this they are JUDGING....(and we know that's wrong) and they are only JUDGING because they are either insecure, or jealous.
the TOUGHEST...and I mean TOUGHEST..job in the world is being a "stay at home mom".
I was blessed to be a stay at home mom until our children were in school, and then the hubs and I switched roles and he worked from home so I went to work fulltime.
I can really see both sides of this issue, because I've been judged and criticized by woman in the church because I WORK fulltime..when..gasp....a chirstian woman should NEVER work...and her husband should ALWAYS be the provider.
Well..this isn't reality either.
It's time that woman unit...stop judging....stop acting as though they are super holy because they don't do this..or they do do that! Ya know what I mean???
I commend you for finding time to sneak away for a chicken sandwich, and reading time. Frankly, every mother needs that ALONE time.....those of us who work, get this privilege by working all day.lol
I'll be praying for you as you push out the voices of those around you...because you ARE doing what God has called you to do...and frankly, you are a GREAT example!!!
Love ya girlie.
Now, go to Chik-fil-A and have a EXTRA large sweet tea!!! :-)
Girl, I am right that there with you and it makes me feel so GOOD to know that Im not the only one who drops there little one off to preschool and doesnt run right home to clean and wash clothes.We are definitely entitled to a RECHARGE. Thankfully my husband is totally on the same page with me about it as yours is! I think others who make those comments just simply dont understand or they are a experienceing a little jealousy! Just wanted you to know that Im right there with ya!
~Jennifer
The flip side of this is the mom who stays home but is consumed with being "supermom" and always trying to impress others with her amazing "busy-ness" of excelling at every area of homemaking. Blech! Competitve women make me crazy, on either side of the fence.
I don't feel a need to justify to others the time I spend at home or at my job. Neither is harder than the other, both have easy and hard aspects. When I'm working, sure, I can be alone, but I am alsomissing them or worrying about being available for sick kids or making it back into town in time for carpool. When I am at home I am worrying about job security, deadlines for clients, and earning enough to help pay the bills. All that to say, every path has its own challenges, and the most important thing we can do for one another is quit judging.
I can't imagine having an opinion on whether or not my friends go out for breakfast or take bubble baths, or work full time jobs.
I found it particularly interesting that people even offer to pray for you... have mercy, do they think you need spiritual guidance because you read a book? Those are what I consider toxic people, and I would choose to avoid them if you can!
Enjoy your day- however you choose to spend it:-) (But I'm with you- the sweet tea at chik fila gets my vote everytime!)
You are so right that woman are judged most harshly by other women. I know I've been quilty of it more than once. That's one thing I'm learning from Beth Moore...learning to love other women and appreicate them.
I don't deal with the judgement too often because I'm a work-at-home mom, so I guess I make everyone happy. I totally agree that people make time for what they want to do. The same rule applies for money.
Good for you for being confident enough in yourself to make some "ME" time. Enjoy!
Well - I think it is great if you are able to be a "Stay Home Mom". It is a FULL TIME JOB! But I am not the the type to stay home with my children. Honestly my children learn better from other people(teachers). Plus I NEED the interaction with other people. But it doesn't mean I don't LOVE my children any less then a mother that stays home. Cause I want to spend all of my FREE time with them! Don't like to plan anything after work or on weekends away from my children - cause I want to be with them.
But if you able to stay home - you still need that time away from them - so enjoy your reading a book or taking a BATH~ Don't let others make you feel bad about what you do~ You are right when God wants you~
Amen and Amen! I agree with every single thing you said. I think it is so sad that we as women (even Christian women) "compete" so much and encourage each other so much less.
I have said it before....you are the most wonderful mother I "know." Every time I read about you and your girls I say a prayer that God will make my family like that. This post is no exception.
All of my kids are in school all day and you know what I do while they're gone?
Watch movies, read, spend (too much) time on the computer, meet friends for coffee, exercise, and scrapbook.
Sure, I make time to cook and clean but I enjoy the time I have to myself and I think it makes me a better mom and allows me to be more present with my kids when they're home.
Sorry you feel judged. Most of my friends are in the same season of life that I am so I don't feel it as much. Hang in there, friend.
Amen sister! Those judging you are simply showing their own insecurities. The ONLY judge you need to worry about is our heavenly Father, who LOVES you and wants the best for you. If that is sweet tea while the laudry molders, so be it! Wish I had an insightful comeback for you to say next time...
LOL!!But also sad...Women are sometimes our worst enemies!
Post a Comment