O and I were rushing to get out the door this morning. As soon as I pulled out of my neighborhood, the traffic was backed up. Great. It took 15 minutes to see what the problem was. There was a wreck and the truck involved was EXACTLY like my dad's. I saw first responders helping a man out of the truck. I couldn't get a clear picture of who it was. I pulled over and ran (in the pouring rain) to the truck, but was met by two men who told me to get back in my van. I was unusually calm, but very worried. I dialed my dad's cell phone and as soon as he answered I said, "Daddy, where are you?!" He answered, "I'm at work, where are you?"
Then, I broke down and cried.
By, the time I got to O's school I had to sit down and take a minute to get myself together. I don't usually panic about situations like that, but lately I've been dealing with a fear of something happening to my dad. This fear has snuck up on me - maybe since he has been sick lately, I don't know.
Anyway, once O was safe in her classroom I drove across the street to the library. I couldn't wait to sit in my usual spot - in the corner with a wall of windows to look out. That is my corner. We have become friends - familiar friends - and I love working on my lessons or studying there.
As I walk closer to my corner, a man is sitting there.
What on earth?
MOVE!
My attitude was so poor by this point, I almost walked back to my car and headed to Chick-fil-A for an IV of sweet tea. But, I didn't. Instead I sat RIGHT NEXT to the man - praying he was uncomfortable with all the togetherness and want to move. (See why I'm a head case? I'm a spoiled child!) Besides, I am emotional from my morning and I need to have a meltdown in my spot.
He didn't budge. Turns out, I'm the one uncomfortable with all the togetherness, but my stubbornness is greater so I stayed as well. Then, God being God brought in a college girl to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME on the other side. Here I am - sandwiched in between two people that I'm sure I don't like. And, I still need to have a meltdown.
I closed my eyes and prayed. "God, can you hear me? What's that? I know, I know. I'm spoiled. Forgive me."
I open my bible to the book of Haggai. I taught on this book years ago, but keep thinking about it and thought I may need to go back there. The children of Israel are discouraged. They have ceased rebuilding the Temple because they let enemies convince them to stop and lost all motivation. They turned away from God and were only concerned with building their own houses instead of God's house. Haggai is sent to encourage them .... tell them to 'Consider their ways' and finish what God told them to do.
This hits right at home because I have been overwhelmed a little lately with all God has put on my heart to do. Could He be right? He has to have the wrong person! There are so many other women who are FAR more qualified to do what He's asking. Where are they, Lord? Why isn't anyone stepping up to do these tasks? For the millionth time, He tells me "I asked you, Deidre".
Dern.
I started to feel lighter ... maybe a little less spoiled ... motivated to keep going on.
Just then, I got a text from a girl in my SS class asking for prayer about a college decision. As I was answering her, I get a text from another girl asking for prayer about a health concern. Oh, how much I love these girls!! But, how much more the King of Kings loves them.
As I need encouragement from my Savior to continue - even when things get heavy, they need encouragement as well. This life is tough and is filled with fear, sin, poor attitudes and lack of motivation to keep going. But, as my brother said SO WELL on Wednesday night "We're not home yet", so we have to keep going ..... keep repenting ..... to build the house of God and his kingdom.
I just keep praying He'll forgive me when I'm fearful, when I act like a spoiled child and help me get out of His way! There are lives watching me. I'm always sandwiched in between those looking to see if serving Him is worth it.
Yes! So worth it!
8 comments:
Deidre, if it makes you feel any better, I totally understand! I had to apologize to the Children's Director at Church Wednesday for my poor attitude a few weeks ago when she asked if I could help out in Cubbies that week! I just may have rolled my eyes, sighed, and then said Ok! I know, I know. I'm 38, for Pete's sake and acting like a spoiled teenager! All b/c I just wanted to do what I wanted to do for that precious hour and 15 mins. At times like these, I ask for forgiveness and then say, "God, are you sure you just don't want to go ahead and take me home??!" ;) I'm so glad God can "put up with me"! :)
She's back!
Glad your blog is still here and you are still writing these honest MOTIVATIONAL posts. We all get discouraged and need the body of Christ to give us a hug and a shove. Keep plugging along, Sister! You are a blessing!
Those people that were surrounding you in the library could possibly be angels... one of my favorite verses is about accidentally entertaining angels... mmmm..... that they would put you in a place to be open to hearing God!!!
Thanks for the GREAT post! Seemed to be just what I needed to hear today.
Thank you for this post, I definitely needed it today. I get so caught up in my little world sometimes, feeling sorry for myself thinking I cannot be used by God. I know that he wants to use me I have just not been willing to let him. Hang in there and know that his ways are not our ways. He loves us inspite of how spoiled we are.
I thank God for you and your willingness to serve him.
Oh friend...you TRULY touched me with this post!!
I LOVE your open..honest..precious...God fearin'...God LOVIN' heart!!!!
Oh how I wish we lived by each other!
I'm so thankful that your dad is okay! I know that must have been scary.
You are a blessing to so many people, Deidre! I hope y'all have a great weekend!!
Out of that whole, well-written, from-the-heart post, one word stuck out to me, "Dern." LOL. We've all been there. Thank you for this post, for your perspective, and directing our thoughts God-ward.
Post a Comment