This post is nothing more than an attempt to document our present lives. An attempt to one day show my children the importance of discerning God and His timing. Often times, it's hard to hand over the reigns and relinquish control.
I'm really fighting a melancholy mood today. I'm a little ashamed to admit that, but it's the truth. My biggest problem is that summer is pretty much over for us this week. On Thursday, I start my new job (that I am extremely blessed to have - you have no idea!), but I'm really not looking forward to the grueling schedule.
Those that know me well know that I am a stickler for routine, schedules and a calendar (yes, Mandy I have one!), but this year I feel that summer just wasn't long enough.
I think what is really eating away at me is that I had BIG plans when summer started. Plans that really included no plans at all. I wanted to relax with my girls and enjoy each other while swimming, playing and vacationing. What was meant to be a very relaxed time turned into a hectic few months.
My world, as I know it, is changing in a few days. It's not a huge change in most people's eyes, but to me (having not worked outside our home in 9 years), it's big. It will be a blessing in many, many ways but it also comes at the same time Eric's job is taking off, which for him means lots of travel. It's really ironic how it's all beginning at once. I know God is in the details of our lives, so the fact that I will be with the girls at school three days a week while Eric will be away so much is God's sweet way of taking care of me and my mental state. I will no doubt need the distraction. I get that and I am so appreciative of how He watches over us. I'm excited but anxious at the same time about all the changes. The new.
What I have done already is 'deselect' as Eric and I call it. Deselecting is a term he uses in his job to make things more simple. I had scheduled O for dance lessons in the fall that she has begged to take, but cancelled them today remembering she is only 4 and has plenty of time for that. Both girls are still in gymnastics and E has piano. They both start soccer tonight which lasts until October. With that alone, we are busy.
Also, I have been praying for a couple of years about going back to school. I want so badly to go back and study theology (not to preach - settle down - just to study God's Word - ha!) We've researched many schools and programs. I cannot tell you how many conversations Eric and I have had about this and prayed for direction. We originally felt like God was finally clearing the path for me and I would start this fall (this week, actually). With all the changes that are coming this month, after MUCH prayer, we both feel strongly that it has to wait - at least another semester.
While I KNOW that's the right decision, I am bummed (God gets that, right?). My first priority will ALWAYS be my family and our home, but I cannot tell you how much I am chomping at the bit to STUDY and be taught more in depth the word of God. As if the decision isn't tough enough, I fight the 'guilt' that comes with doing something that will consume so much time for myself. I'm not sure I have that right at this season of my life.
So, I wait.
God's timing. Tough sometimes, isn't it?
"So teach us to number our days,
I'm really fighting a melancholy mood today. I'm a little ashamed to admit that, but it's the truth. My biggest problem is that summer is pretty much over for us this week. On Thursday, I start my new job (that I am extremely blessed to have - you have no idea!), but I'm really not looking forward to the grueling schedule.
Those that know me well know that I am a stickler for routine, schedules and a calendar (yes, Mandy I have one!), but this year I feel that summer just wasn't long enough.
I think what is really eating away at me is that I had BIG plans when summer started. Plans that really included no plans at all. I wanted to relax with my girls and enjoy each other while swimming, playing and vacationing. What was meant to be a very relaxed time turned into a hectic few months.
My world, as I know it, is changing in a few days. It's not a huge change in most people's eyes, but to me (having not worked outside our home in 9 years), it's big. It will be a blessing in many, many ways but it also comes at the same time Eric's job is taking off, which for him means lots of travel. It's really ironic how it's all beginning at once. I know God is in the details of our lives, so the fact that I will be with the girls at school three days a week while Eric will be away so much is God's sweet way of taking care of me and my mental state. I will no doubt need the distraction. I get that and I am so appreciative of how He watches over us. I'm excited but anxious at the same time about all the changes. The new.
What I have done already is 'deselect' as Eric and I call it. Deselecting is a term he uses in his job to make things more simple. I had scheduled O for dance lessons in the fall that she has begged to take, but cancelled them today remembering she is only 4 and has plenty of time for that. Both girls are still in gymnastics and E has piano. They both start soccer tonight which lasts until October. With that alone, we are busy.
Also, I have been praying for a couple of years about going back to school. I want so badly to go back and study theology (not to preach - settle down - just to study God's Word - ha!) We've researched many schools and programs. I cannot tell you how many conversations Eric and I have had about this and prayed for direction. We originally felt like God was finally clearing the path for me and I would start this fall (this week, actually). With all the changes that are coming this month, after MUCH prayer, we both feel strongly that it has to wait - at least another semester.
While I KNOW that's the right decision, I am bummed (God gets that, right?). My first priority will ALWAYS be my family and our home, but I cannot tell you how much I am chomping at the bit to STUDY and be taught more in depth the word of God. As if the decision isn't tough enough, I fight the 'guilt' that comes with doing something that will consume so much time for myself. I'm not sure I have that right at this season of my life.
So, I wait.
God's timing. Tough sometimes, isn't it?
that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom."
Psalm 90:12
9 comments:
This I Know, when you choose to Honor the Lord, He will honor your decisions.
His ways are not our ways....
Its hard to give up the way we like or want to do things... but as I know you already know - it'll all be OK
Praying for peace as routines get all changed around!
Deselecting. I love that term. I’ve often referred to it as streamlining, but deselecting has a nice ring to it. Change is sometimes one of the hardest things we have to do in our lives and waiting runs a very close second! Sometimes when He asks me to wait, I remind myself that He has better plans on the horizon. Just wait in anticipation for His blessing on you and enjoy where He has you right now.
Blessings, Amy
Ah, Deidre! I will be praying for you this week!
I can't believe that you all start school this week. I was hoping to get together with you all....we don't start til the 25th....
And yes - you are right! Gods timing is hard sometimes!
Blessings, sweet friend.
Again-- I'm praying!
I will be praying for you this week as you adjust to a new routine! Summer always flies by, doesn't it?
As someone who has been to seminary, it is amazing to learn the Word. It is also weird to break it apart just for the purpose of breaking it apart. The hardest paper I ever wrote was describing what I thought were the 4 most significant attributes of God. Seriously, just 4?
Praying you get the follow the desire in your heart that God has placed there... in His perfect timing!
Praying for you this week. I love your idea of "deselecting" and need to implement that into my own life. Thanks for sharing!
I'm with inskstillwet - I LOVE deselecting, the term, the idea, the practice. Looking back at mothering, its easier now to see that it comes in seasons and everything cant all fit into one. But there are future seasons. Blessings on you and your sweet family as you step out into this new area.
Friend~
I SO love your heart...and God is SO blessed with your openness...honesty....and your desire to walk in HIS perfect will.
I've sorta in the same stage you are...we start school in 3 weeks...the last of our children will be a senior...grapplin' with "what's next"...trying to help our son determine his "next"...in the midst of not really knowing what our "next" is!? humm..
But we can be assured of one thing...God's ordered our steps...he will continue to lead, and guide our lives...and simply wants us to follow..in obedience.
I love your term: "deselecting"...I'm going to be sharing this with my husband as this is exactly what we've been praying about...but could't come up with a term! lol :0)
I'll be praying for you sweet friend.
What a great blog entry. Thanks for sharing your heart. There is a lot of practical truth in this entry. I'm praying that God will bless you as these changes take place!
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