Abide: Do You Want to Get Well?

Monday night was the first night of Bible Study for this semester.  We're doing Believing God this time.  I'm not sure why I've never done it before, but maybe it's God's timing I'm doing it now.

In preparing to lead the study, I've been struggling with a question that has been on my heart for some time.

Let me back up ....

My husband and I were cleaning out our bonus room.  Since moving to this house, we haven't had enough room for our my books.  They are crammed in every corner and shelf of this house.  So, in an attempt to get more organized, we were rearranging furniture and trying to figure out a solution.

I came across my very large stack of past Bible Study books.  If you are a Bible Study student, you may be like me and throw the latest one completed on top of the ever-growing stack and forget about it.

It was impressive.

I sat down and started flipping through each one .... David, Paul, Psalms, etc.  Page after page was filled with little nuggets I had forgotten about and finding each one kept me digging for more.

And, then I felt sick.

I was noticing a general theme to every book.  Written on every page were my answers to hard questions.  And, all of my answers were the same.

For years, I have taken Bible Studies on different subjects and themes and my answers to the many questions could have been the same on every page.  It was as if I hadn't learned one thing in over ten years.  As if God and I haven't made any ground together. 

Now, I know that isn't entirely true.  I can tell you at least one thing I've taken away from each study; however, I was reading evidence that I continued to have the same struggles.  Issues I was really wanting victory over yet I would see it again in another book.

That's the first time I heard God whisper "Deidre, do you want to get well?"

I recognized the question right away because I had been studying in John 5 at the time.   Let's read verses 1-7 ....

After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.

"Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches.

In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. 

For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.

Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. 

When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”

I always picture that moment like Jesus was looking at the pool, then looking down at the man and saying "Do you want to get well?" as if He had all the man needed to get up, but wondered if he was really interested in receiving it.

Sitting in front of my impressive stack of Bible Study books and reading the same answers over and over and over .... well .... I wasn't that impressed.

Instead I prayed for a change.  For God to speak to me specifically and clearly about Bible Study.  Why was I studying from these books? Why was I leading them? What did I want to gain from them? What was I hoping for? Did I WANT to get well?

I answered all of these questions over the next year or so.  I chose studies differently and approached them different.  And, I know God has been teaching me that those books are not what will heal me, but His Word alone will accomplish that.  And, we've been making some ground ... chiseling away at some things I've not wanted to do the hard work on.

"He sent his word, and healed them,
and delivered them from their destructions."
Psalm 107:20

One of my issues is fear (though there are many ;).  And not just fear of someone breaking in my house or something happening to my family.  But, deep down fear that influences every decision I make.  Fear that even affects my attitude and leaves me lonely and disobedient.

I testify to anyone that will listen that 'fear is my issue'.  "Hey you! I have an issue with fear".  It just rolls off my tongue so easily, I probably say it more than I say my own name.

And, I hear God saying it again ....

"Deidre, do you WANT to get well?"

"Deidre, are you interested in demolishing this stronghold?"

"Deidre, do you want some band-aid verses to use when you feel fearful OR do you want to let My Word rain down on your parched, fearful soul and let new life spring forth in its place."

My answer is a VERY LOUD "Yes!!!!!!"

I want to get well!!

I'm tired of being sick.  I'm tired of living in defeat over this one issue.  I want to get well and I KNOW the ONE that is capable of healing. 

What about you?

Do you want to get well?

Linked to: Word-filled Wednesday, Walk with Him Wednesday, Wordful Wednesday, and Women Living Well